Posts tagged Pain

Trapped in that prison again… Back to that same place that I’ve been, again, back when our only thing was our everything…

Exchanging my pains from my veins like rain chilling on a window pane to the main page of my tumblr.

This blog is my lyrical frustration because the duration of my pain remains like a sturdy foundation that I so dearly wish would break. 

Can I have a penny of your thoughts as a donation to my love dehydration because I am desperate for a love fixation.

I’ve lost before, but never in a manner such as this, I wish I could let it go. It hurts so bad to hold on to a love lost but the cost of forgetting you seems so much greater. 

Lord, forgive me for holding on to something that you are trying to pull a part. Blame it on my heart, that thing that should make better decisions, but she’s not the mind so we must not confuse her with being smart.

Lord forgive me for my sins, the lack of confidence within that lets men get in and up, up, and away with something so precious as my innocence.

Just like your virginity, the innocence is gone the first time you lose it, let them snatch the only good part of you and keep it movin, your life goes the way you chose it.

But what if it wasn’t your fault? What if as a child you got caught in the middle of a crazy woman’s addiction, bringing life as you knew it to a hault and even though you fought, it still didn’t keep her from molesting you.

Where do I store these tears? Years of abuse that you could probably accept from any other, take it farther, your father, but wouldn’t have ever expected your mother to be the enemy.

People find love in a hopeless place, but I’m running a hopeful race praying that my pain in that darker place doesn’t catch up to me.

To lose your first love in the early days always hurts in many of ways. And as you search your brain to find the root to your pain, the reason why you couldn’t stay, You feel ashamed that you loved someone that much…And that the skeletons in your closet still have the power to cripple you.

Before I start I must say that I am grateful for the days

And how Your love heals all things in magnificent ways

But Lord I am in one of those difficult pains

And a cascade of windy tears; an emotional hurricane

I searched through the rubble, searched through the remains

And tried to find the beginning and who I was to blame

Who is at fault for the reason why I am afraid

Why am I an unlovable loved individual suffering from a heart sprain

Is it because of my mother that walked out in those early days?

Or because of what my unknown father didn’t show me or explain

I can’t seem to find the color in the midst of these grays

And I’m just trying to find the source of what is making me insane

Nothing seems to come up when I search my brain

And not one thing comes up when they trace the pain through my veins

Lord please help me, I am in one of those difficult pains

In the midst of a cascade of windy tears, an emotional hurricane

Cut me loose from these crippling chains

So that one day I will know how it feels to breathe again.

All those days chasing down a daydream. Praying that God will rescue me from from my struggling reality. He doesn’t understand the pain she feels loving without her heart, but she plays her part, loving from a distance, wishing love never got its start. Days, months, and weeks passed and still she can’t get ahead. While she awaits the days that he’ll no longer matter, she plays the loyal friend instead. When daydreams become a nightmare…

Protected from the world she wrapped herself in cement. Wouldn’t dare let another break down the walls to the world that she felt most comfortable in. She taught herself survival skills, how to be a people person and how to laugh, but also how to protect herself against words. The world is cruel. Surely people didn’t know how to talk to each other. She learned how to talk like them, coated her tongue in sarcasm and nonchalant armor. People will take jabs but they’ll have to prepare themselves for the lashing she’d release if they crossed her. She was protecting a deeper kind of pain. No one knew how to protect her wounds but her. But one day she wanted to love someone but her wall was in the way. She understood that the only way to recovery was to love through the pain… But it hurt too much…