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Lyrical EleMEnt

Writing is the best part of me. Next to love. If no one ever understands me or my artwork, they can at least respect the fact that writing has witnessed the better part of me.

She never wanted to reach this place. A place where all she wanted of love was to just be friends.

My thoughts…

Your scent is like a drug to me. You’re like my own personal brand of heroin.

Twilight Quotes

When you meet a boy
With wounds deeper than yours
Do not enter his bloodstream
Hoping to save him,
Because, love, you will fail-
People can’t be saved,
They’re not things to be repaired.

The most you can do
Is heal your own wounds,
And be there
When he saves himself.

M.V., He needs you, not a superhero (via aestheticintrovert)

Woah.

(via skyetownsend)

(via skyetownsend)

Sometimes I need
To be held
To be cuddled
To be spooned
To be wanted
To feel like I’m needed for just a second
Even if it’s just pretend
Sometimes I want to be needed
Sometimes I need it to be more than just sex.

Sometimes.

What’s the difference?” I asked him. “Between the love of your life, and your soulmate?”

“One is a choice, and one is not.

Tarryn Fisher, Mud Vein (via daianayumi)

(Source: quotes-shape-us, via tonight-is-when-ill-fall-for-you)

So I have a new short-term dream (or long-term depending on how you look at it). Let’s just say I paid $33,000 a year to go to school at Clark Atlanta University (which I’m sure I did). That’s $132,000 for a 4-year education. I have been out of school for 1 year and I have yet to make 1/4th of that. My goal is to save $132,000 in 4 years. That’s a big goal, one of which I could probably say that I almost don’t think I’ll make be able to make that goal come true. However will I make that happen? What is the $132,000 for anyways? Your guess is as good as mine. *Runs to God to discuss why this new dream was placed in my heart* Stay tuned…

Letters to God: Forgive me Lord

"Forgive me Lord." I  cried.

I thought I was ready for your forgiveness. I lied. 

I have asked you on countless occasions to forgive me. Although, with this forgiveness, I never stop sinning

The same sins. 

I have even asked you to help me forgive others, including my friends. I have asked that you help them to forgive me for hurting them.

However, I never asked you to help me forgive myself.

Dear Lord, help me to forgive myself for destroying this temple that was once deemed a body. 

Forgive me for the acts that I have participated in. Forgive me for acting so ungodly.

Is there any way possible for you to rebuild scraps in a garbage disposal?

May I make a proposal for you to rebuild this trash that was once your daughter?

You’re the God of making impossible possible. So is it possible for one to find the beauty in my ugliness?

Lord help me to forgive myself

For allowing my body to become filthy

Who would ever be crazy enough to love me.

Lord forgive me because I have sinned against you. I am a disgrace before you. I do not deserve your grace, your mercy, or you.

Lord, I know I do not deserve your love. 

Lord I know you’re not in the business of rebuilding trash, but God make clean my past, rebuild me with a foundation that will last.

Change my name. Change my label. Prepare a table

Before the presence of my enemies. Show them that you have forgiven my iniquities.

Lord I declare that I am healed. Your servant will be rebuilt. I am forgiven. I am loved, by my Father up above. 

You said all these things in your word, and your word will not return unto me void.

God I know I am unworthy of your blessing but I am not letting go until you bless me. 

Amen.

I loved a Scorpio once. I may never love the same again.

Some days I have to remind myself that I am not broken. I have to remind myself that my spirit is bruised, but I am not broken. Some days I have to fight the tears from making their way from the pit of my tear ducts to the surface of my cheeks. Some days the tears are too powerful to keep from pouring out of eyes crammed shut. Those days I have to remind myself that crying is not bad. Crying is necessary. Some days I have to remind myself that I am more than a conqueror. The funny thing is that some days I really am… More than just a conqueror that is. I’m a survivor.

My thoughts. My tears. My words.

Real Love Needs no Convincing

Every day I wake up wondering if I am making the right choice. 

Am I making the right choices as far as my dreams go? Am I making the right choices in my relationships? Am I making the right choices as far as my needs and wants go?

The only thing I can actually see at this moment is my present. I have no idea how the choices that I make now will affect my future. I have no idea if telling this guy who loves me sometimes more than I love myself, that he is not the one that I want to be with. I can’t help but believe that there is someone out there who will love me just as much, and that I will mutually love him the same. I will not have to pray daily that God put in my heart for him the feelings that he has for me. 

You see, the blog sites, and relationship advice that I have received is only in regards to a man that does not treat you right. I am told that if a man is not willing to commit or love me then he is not the right man for me. However, no one has told me that it is okay to feel like someone who wants to be with you is the wrong one. No one told me that just because he believes he is in love with me does not mean that I have to feel the same. 9 years down this road of back and forth, and I still cannot convince my heart that he is the one. Real love needs no convincing. 

I am here to tell anyone that feels trapped in a love that does not belong to them that it is okay to walk away. Sometimes you have to be selfish. Sometimes you have to make choices that may hurt someone’s feelings. No one wants to hurt people purposely, but I know that more than anything, I do not want to continue to hurt myself. I may be missing out on who i am truly supposed to be with because I have settled into this cushy life that does not bring me excitement or passion. It only guarantees me stability.

And to be honest, stability alone is not enough.

I have to convince myself everyday that there will will be another man out there that I am not only meant to be in love with, but that I am supposed to be with. When trying to convince myself fails to work, I am reminded that God loves me. God loves me more than any man ever could. And because I know my God, I know that He is not done writing my love story. 

Beware Love

I have had love knock on my door, and I still packed up my things and ran away. I have had love love me so hard, so intensely that I escaped in the middle of the night while love was sleeping. I am here to tell you that if you ever make the decision to love me, I may not know how to receive it. I may not know how to verbalize with my heart that I love you back. I may not know how to recognize love when it surfaces. I have struggled to love myself and I now understand why it is that I love myself. However, there will be times that I may not understand the ways and the reasons that you love me. 

I just don’t know when it is okay to let you know about the part of me that scares me the most. 

Beware love. I may may break you with my brokenness.. 

What’s done in the dark

She was so afraid of her shadow
That she didn’t sleep with the light off
She was too afraid of giving her shadows a playground
She was afraid to love in her darkness
To open up the doors that were sealed
To open up and let love heal her darkness.
She was her own skeleton
And she was too afraid to tell him or anyone else for that matter.
He was prepared to love the darkness out of her
But all she could tell him was that she wasn’t ready
She mailed him the “I’ll be perfect for you… One day…” letter
As reoccurring deliveries
With hopes that he didn’t see it as him waiting on her
But as him dating her from a distance
She tried to find herself in the dark
But kept smashing her toe on the end of the dresser
Someone should have told her that no one can see in the dark.
Only light can drive out darkness
But she wasn’t prepared for the shadows that would still linger when the sun was at it’s highest
The shade of her heart and the intensity of her pain couldn’t be hidden by light of even the largest candle
She wanted to love
But she couldn’t see her way through the dark to do so.

They speak of soulmates as if it’s a forever kind of thing, one you’ll always tangibly have. I don’t think that’s the case. I think sometimes a soulmate comes fleetingly, like a whisper. And then when he stays he’ll wreak havoc in your life, make you realize how you’re living and ultimately, he’ll change you for the better. But no, he won’t stay. He’s made to run his own life, and you were only one of the roads he was supposed to take. Soulmates sometimes go away, but their magic will always be in the footprints they left behind. And you’ll always love them. Always.

(via letters-to-the-sea)